Breaking News! Osama bin Laden has just broadcast live on Al Jazeera TV, declaring that he is very much alive and well, living in Kabul. He said "Manchester City were terrible on Saturday." Government and media sources worldwide were quick to point out that these recordings could have been made anytime between present day and the last 35 years.

@wazzaroon08

The former coach of Manchester United's £7.4 million summer recruit Bebe says he tried and failed to sell the player for just €150,000 in January...

"Last season we had no money at all," Paxaio told the Daily Mail. "We were trying to transfer Bebe to other clubs. We had to raise money desperately. We told everyone in England and in Europe: 'For €150,000 you can have him'.

"We couldn't get anybody interested. Nobody trusted him. None of the clubs were interested because he had never played at a high level."